my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
