I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
