I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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