i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
