when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
