well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sext me about skeletons
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
