just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
