I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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