We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize