First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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