It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
