So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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