question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
