A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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