the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize