you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
