her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
