Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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