whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How external is "for external use only"?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize