Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
