I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize