he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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