If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
