Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
