Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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