how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
