I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
