I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
no you cant smoke seaweed
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
