I wish you could order shots online.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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