this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Everything about him screamed your future.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
