as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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