Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
