I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
