Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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