i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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