is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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