My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
