Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
