Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
