You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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