Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
