I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wish i was in the wii world.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
