To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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