hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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