Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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