did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Buhtt sex?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
