New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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