she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
