I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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