You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
