If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
