I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize