Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
