She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize