If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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