she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I understand Curling. That high.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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