HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
