i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
