it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
