wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
