She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
But break dance skills will only take you so far
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
