margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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