Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
