you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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