I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize