We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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