I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
