You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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