never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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