I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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