Me. At least after what I've been through.
Soap is not a condiment
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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