Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
