I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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