see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
