i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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