An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
