i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
