I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize