There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
