Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
