Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
