the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
