I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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