We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
