I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
