arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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