Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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