I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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