K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
