I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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