god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
