it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
